Women generally display a social
behavior with men they like that's usually
referred to as "testing." Testing is what
women do when they're looking to see if a
man is strong and confident with himself; in
other words, if he really is all the man he's
presenting himself to be.
Asking a man to do something for her, or
teasing him with sexual suggestions to see if
he jumps at the chance or gets
overexcited, or dropping hints with regards to
her own promiscuity
or relationship status to
see if he gets defeated and walks away – all
those are "tests," and there are many other
forms of it.
Testing often gets a bad rap with men. It gets
called annoying, frustrating, or petty – but
still, all but the absolute most innocent,
trusting, inexperienced women – the ones who
don't know men any better yet – do it. But
why do women test men, and how do you act
in testing situations? That's what i'm about to discuss.
Why WomenWomen nearly universally display a social
behavior with men they like that's often
referred to as "testing." Testing is what
women do when they're looking to see if a
man is strong and congruent with himself; in
other words, if he really is all the man he's
presenting himself to be.
Asking a man to do something for her, or
teasing him with sexual suggestions to see if
he jumps at the opportunity or gets
overexcited, or dropping hints with regards to
her own promiscuity or relationship status to
see if he gets defeated and walks away – all
those are "tests," and there are many other
varieties.
Testing often gets a bad rap with men. It gets
called annoying, frustrating, or petty – but
still, all but the absolute most innocent,
trusting, inexperienced women – the ones who
don't know men any better yet – do it. But
why do women test men, and how do you act
in testing situations? That's the subject of this
Why Women Test Men
You've got to understand first that when a woman is
dealing with a man she's considering as a potential
mate, one of her top priorities is finding out if this guy
really is a strong, confident, successful man. In both
primal times and still today, ending up pregnant with
the child of a weak, unsuccessful man meant and
means bad news: lack of proper support from that
man; lack of protection by him; susceptibility to the
risks of the weak (jealousy, insecurity, anger, spousal
abuse); a far higher chance of having a weak child.
Weak men are dangerous men.
But a woman can't go by just what a man says when
she's trying to assess his strength. If she asks a man,
"Are you a strong, successful, confident man?" every
single man, no matter how true or not it is for him, is
going to say, "Why yes of course I am."
There's a learning curve in women; the least
experienced women often haven't realized the need to
test men yet, so might not test men much, and what
tests they do try are clumsy and weaker men make it
past them more easily. As women grow in experience
with men, though, their tests get tighter and more
pointed and they get better at figuring out the strong
men from the rest with speed, accuracy, and efficiency.
In the game of mating, the arms race is ongoing; the
men who want to position themselves as ideal mates
and cover up their flaws, and the women who want to
separate the wheat from the chaff and expose what
flaws exist and where they exist.
Women test men to better to know who those men
really are. They test them to know whether they truly
are strong – or whether they're just pretenders. They
use tests because the same test that rolls off the nose of
a strong man without ruffling a single feather of his
will completely throw off a less confident man, and
send him scrambling into damage control.
As it were, tests are an extremely effective method for
women to find out how strong and successful and
confident a man really is, because responses to tests are
quite difficult to fake. Women are looking mostly at a
man's nonverbals, and nonverbals are extremely
challenging to misrepresent. It's easier to just get strong
and confident and successful than it is to fake being
strong and confident and successful.
For understanding why women test, it's helpful to
understand the emotions a woman is feeling when she
tests. The emotions typically are one of the following:
Playfulness
Frustration
Disgust
Dismissal
All, stated otherwise, "borderline" emotions. Emotions
she feels when she's on the fence about a guy and not
dead-set on going to bed with him or, conversely, on
counting him out as a sexual option altogether.
If a woman is testing a man playfully , it's because she's
interested, but not yet convinced. She's enjoying
spending time with him, but doesn't take him fully
seriously yet (that doesn't mean she won't later). Her
sentiment is basically, "This guy is cute. I wonder if
he's the real deal..."
If a woman's testing a man in frustration, disgust, or
dismissal, she's in one of a variety of stages of auto-
rejection and is, by testing him, throwing him a lifeline
at redemption. Her sentiment is basically, "I hope he
says or does the right thing in response to this test and
makes me change my mind about him."
Take note that women will not test two specific types of
men:
Men they are 100% committed to being with, and
Men they are 100% not interested in.
So if you're not being tested, it's because a woman
either has written you off entirely as not a valid option,
or she's so entranced and in-love with you that she
hasn't a doubt in her mind that you are the one she
wants to be with. An example of the former – the guy
she's written off – might be a guy she's just friends
with in a very platonic way. An example of the latter –
the guy she's head-over-heels with – might be a guy
who's in a local rock band and she knows exactly what
she wants with him – a quick fling or one-night stand,
for instance – and she's fully committed to getting it.
Passing the Tests Women Give
The first thing you'll need to start successfully passing
tests from women is a good understanding of the Law
of Least Effort in social situations. You want to be
getting maximal results with minimal visible effort
whenever and wherever possible socially.
The impact a good understand of the Law has on
your responses to testing is immediate. Once you
know you shouldn't be jumping up and down and
bending over backward for women who haven't
already put in a similar level of investment for you
(and even if they have put in a lot, you still don't want
to go too far), you'll stop making some of the most
common mistakes men make.
Here's how women test men, with a handful of the
more common tests you'll see, and here to is how men
often fail those tests:
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Sure, definitely. What do you want?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg
Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I
don't like being touched.
Man: Oh, sorry. [moves hand]
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close
to my friends.
Man: Oh, okay.
Scenario Four: Temptation
Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?
Man: Umm... nothing! I just want to talk to you!
If you possess even a small degree of social intuition,
you can feel in your gut that those responses to women
are weak and wrong. As for women, they have a lot
more than a mere modicum of social intuition, and
those kinds of responses ring like alarm bells telling
them the man responding this way is not a man of
strength and self-possession. Quite often, a single
weak response like this can be enough to sink you.
Think about that for a moment there: one weak
response can derail an entire seduction.
That's especially true early on; once a woman is fairly
certain she likes you, and she's invested in you, you're
allowed a little leeway, so if you slip up a bit later on,
you stand better odds of getting a second chance than
had you made a similar slip before she started feeling
connected to you and before she became invested in
you. This is why it's so important to move fast with
women and start on deep diving right away and get
them investing in and connecting to you in a hurry.
The sooner a woman's invested in and connected to
you, the fewer tests you'll see, and the more slack
you'll be given if your responses aren't perfectly on
point at times.
Back to the tests themselves. Thing is, if you're a
beginner or you're early in the intermediate phase of
developing your skill set with women, even if you
know these kinds of responses – where you put in
too much effort by over-investing or by retreating
on your positions or defending yourself – are wrong,
you still do them anyway. Why is that?
It's mostly because, until you've been battle-hardened a
bit, you won't be prepared to react. All the martial arts
training in the world won't do much to steel you
against that first big fight you end up in; once you have
a bunch of men socking you in the face, all those years
of training go out the window and you fall back on
pure instinct and defensiveness. It takes repeated
exposure to situations where you're getting physically
hit to be able to remain calm and to follow your
training despite the immediacy of the situation. This is
every bit as true with meeting women and riding out
tests; even when you know exactly how you ought to
respond to a test, early on you'll often find yourself
defaulting to weak or defensive responses
regardless.
Don't beat yourself up too much over this; just
recognize that you need more exposure and more time
in the field meeting live women and experiencing the
things women test men with in real life to develop the
thick skin to it you need to remain calm and composed
and follow your training.
Let's have a look now at some examples of how a
collected, self-assured man would reply to the same
tests we used above from women. Facial expressions,
body language, and tonality are all crucial here; a
woman's paying even more attention to what you
communicate nonverbally than to what you say
verbally when you respond to a test of hers. You want
to be a sexy man and be charming and evocative as
you reply – so don't just work on the words; work on
the delivery, too.
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Maybe later, if you're good. What brought you
out tonight?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg
Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I
don't like being touched.
Man: You mean… like this? [slapping other hand on
her right next to where first one is, and smiling like
he's just about to start laughing; it's a game to him]
Girl: I just don't like it when people I don't know touch
me.
Man: [laughs] Okay, party pooper. You want an
awkward wall of no-touching between us, fine. [moves
hands] I still might go find a ruler or something to
reach out and caress your cheek with later once you've
decided I'm the man of your dreams.
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close
to my friends.
Man: Yes you can. Come sit with me; it's just over here.
You'll be plenty close to your friends.
Scenario Four: Temptation
Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?
Man: Well, the first thing I want to do with you is have
you keep me company while I drink my drink. After
that... hmm, we'll see.
Maintain Your Cool
The most important part about passing a test is
maintaining your cool and staying composed. Even if
you do do what the girl asks you to do, do it like you
meant to do it and wanted to do it anyway. Remember
that seeking to throw you off balance – either
playfully, or in the hopes that you'll turn around
her views of you – is the principal driving motivator
in how women test men. Women do many things with
the intention of exploring a man's reaction; it's how
they learn about him and his feelings toward them. By
keeping your composure and staying cool, you
communicate that you are in-control, self-possessed,
non-needy, and every bit the kind of man she hopes
you are.
Above all, don't resent women for testing you. They test
every man they aren't 100% certain of, whose minds
they don't feel they can read 100%, and even after
you've slept with a girl, even after you've made her
your girlfriend, even after you've made her your wife,
she'll keep testing you anyway for the rest of your and
her time together. She must constantly assess if you
continue to be strong enough to protect her and
provide for her, and whether you're showing signs of
instability, weakness, or decay – because, as we
mentioned at the beginning of this post, those things
are very dangerous to women. Strong, confident men
don't harm and hinder women. Weak, unstable ones
do.
So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the
face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly to
yourself every time you face a test – whether you pass,
or whether you don't – because you'll know that each
time, you're getting trained a little more about what to
expect, and a little more of the fog of war is being
lifted as you become better and better prepared to face
and handle tests going forward.
Also note that whether you're using chase frames and
flirting with girls effectively or not is going to play a
big role in whether you receive tests; as you position
yourself more and more as the pursued, and her more
and more as the pursuer, it is increasingly you who
will be testing her – and not the other way around.
Ultimately, with time, as you learn to handle them
properly and as you employ more chase framing and
flirting in your interactions, tests fade in importance
from your awareness. Someone asked me a few months
ago if women still test me. I said, "No, they don't; I
can't remember the last time I got tested." But then I
thought about it, and I realized that yes, they test me
all the time; I just am so comfortable with tests that I
always pass with flying colors and they don't even
register as tests. Just like women's objections , you
come to smile at tests and know that they are
opportunities that, when handled properly, you'll see
a noticeable spike in attraction and interest
following your handling of them.
So, I won't say "enjoy tests," because while with time
you'll come to enjoy them, first you've got to get
through that initial period where they genuinely are a
pain to deal with. But, if you put in the time meeting
women and getting to know them, you'll face many a
test down the line, and the more you face, the more
you'll come to handle them with confidence and
panache. So maybe, don't enjoy tests... but do try not
to mind them too much. Test Men
You've got to understand first that when a woman is
dealing with a man she's considering as a potential
mate, one of her top priorities is finding out if this guy
really is a strong, confident, successful man. In both
primal times and still today, ending up pregnant with
the child of a weak, unsuccessful man meant and
means bad news: lack of proper support from that
man; lack of protection by him; susceptibility to the
risks of the weak (jealousy, insecurity, anger, spousal
abuse); a far higher chance of having a weak child.
Weak men are dangerous men.
But a woman can't go by just what a man says when
she's trying to assess his strength. If she asks a man,
"Are you a strong, successful, confident man?" every
single man, no matter how true or not it is for him, is
going to say, "Why yes of course I am."
There's a learning curve in women; the least
experienced women often haven't realized the need to
test men yet, so might not test men much, and what
tests they do try are clumsy and weaker men make it
past them more easily. As women grow in experience
with men, though, their tests get tighter and more
pointed and they get better at figuring out the strong
men from the rest with speed, accuracy, and efficiency.
In the game of mating, the arms race is ongoing; the
men who want to position themselves as ideal mates
and cover up their flaws, and the women who want to
separate the wheat from the chaff and expose what
flaws exist and where they exist.
Women test men to better to know who those men
really are. They test them to know whether they truly
are strong – or whether they're just pretenders. They
use tests because the same test that rolls off the nose of
a strong man without ruffling a single feather of his
will completely throw off a less confident man, and
send him scrambling into damage control.
As it were, tests are an extremely effective method for
women to find out how strong and successful and
confident a man really is, because responses to tests are
quite difficult to fake. Women are looking mostly at a
man's nonverbals, and nonverbals are extremely
challenging to misrepresent. It's easier to just get strong
and confident and successful than it is to fake being
strong and confident and successful.
For understanding why women test, it's helpful to
understand the emotions a woman is feeling when she
tests. The emotions typically are one of the following:
Playfulness
Frustration
Disgust
Dismissal
All, stated otherwise, "borderline" emotions. Emotions
she feels when she's on the fence about a guy and not
dead-set on going to bed with him or, conversely, on
counting him out as a sexual option altogether.
If a woman is testing a man playfully , it's because she's
interested, but not yet convinced. She's enjoying
spending time with him, but doesn't take him fully
seriously yet (that doesn't mean she won't later). Her
sentiment is basically, "This guy is cute. I wonder if
he's the real deal..."
If a woman's testing a man in frustration, disgust, or
dismissal, she's in one of a variety of stages of auto-
rejection and is, by testing him, throwing him a lifeline
at redemption. Her sentiment is basically, "I hope he
says or does the right thing in response to this test and
makes me change my mind about him."
Take note that women will not test two specific types of
men:
Men they are 100% committed to being with, and
Men they are 100% not interested in.
So if you're not being tested, it's because a woman
either has written you off entirely as not a valid option,
or she's so entranced and in-love with you that she
hasn't a doubt in her mind that you are the one she
wants to be with. An example of the former – the guy
she's written off – might be a guy she's just friends
with in a very platonic way. An example of the latter –
the guy she's head-over-heels with – might be a guy
who's in a local rock band and she knows exactly what
she wants with him – a quick fling or one-night stand,
for instance – and she's fully committed to getting it.
Passing the Tests Women Give
The first thing you'll need to start successfully passing
tests from women is a good understanding of the Law
of Least Effort in social situations. You want to be
getting maximal results with minimal visible effort
whenever and wherever possible socially.
The impact a good understand of the Law has on
your responses to testing is immediate. Once you
know you shouldn't be jumping up and down and
bending over backward for women who haven't
already put in a similar level of investment for you
(and even if they have put in a lot, you still don't want
to go too far), you'll stop making some of the most
common mistakes men make.
Here's how women test men, with a handful of the
more common tests you'll see, and here to is how men
often fail those tests:
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Sure, definitely. What do you want?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg
Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I
don't like being touched.
Man: Oh, sorry. [moves hand]
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close
to my friends.
Man: Oh, okay.
Scenario Four: Temptation
Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?
Man: Umm... nothing! I just want to talk to you!
If you possess even a small degree of social intuition,
you can feel in your gut that those responses to women
are weak and wrong. As for women, they have a lot
more than a mere modicum of social intuition, and
those kinds of responses ring like alarm bells telling
them the man responding this way is not a man of
strength and self-possession. Quite often, a single
weak response like this can be enough to sink you.
Think about that for a moment there: one weak
response can derail an entire seduction.
That's especially true early on; once a woman is fairly
certain she likes you, and she's invested in you, you're
allowed a little leeway, so if you slip up a bit later on,
you stand better odds of getting a second chance than
had you made a similar slip before she started feeling
connected to you and before she became invested in
you. This is why it's so important to move fast with
women and start on deep diving right away and get
them investing in and connecting to you in a hurry.
The sooner a woman's invested in and connected to
you, the fewer tests you'll see, and the more slack
you'll be given if your responses aren't perfectly on
point at times.
Back to the tests themselves. Thing is, if you're a
beginner or you're early in the intermediate phase of
developing your skill set with women, even if you
know these kinds of responses – where you put in
too much effort by over-investing or by retreating
on your positions or defending yourself – are wrong,
you still do them anyway. Why is that?
It's mostly because, until you've been battle-hardened a
bit, you won't be prepared to react. All the martial arts
training in the world won't do much to steel you
against that first big fight you end up in; once you have
a bunch of men socking you in the face, all those years
of training go out the window and you fall back on
pure instinct and defensiveness. It takes repeated
exposure to situations where you're getting physically
hit to be able to remain calm and to follow your
training despite the immediacy of the situation. This is
every bit as true with meeting women and riding out
tests; even when you know exactly how you ought to
respond to a test, early on you'll often find yourself
defaulting to weak or defensive responses
regardless.
Don't beat yourself up too much over this; just
recognize that you need more exposure and more time
in the field meeting live women and experiencing the
things women test men with in real life to develop the
thick skin to it you need to remain calm and composed
and follow your training.
Let's have a look now at some examples of how a
collected, self-assured man would reply to the same
tests we used above from women. Facial expressions,
body language, and tonality are all crucial here; a
woman's paying even more attention to what you
communicate nonverbally than to what you say
verbally when you respond to a test of hers. You want
to be a sexy man and be charming and evocative as
you reply – so don't just work on the words; work on
the delivery, too.
Scenario One: Drinks
Girl: Will you get me a drink?
Man: Maybe later, if you're good. What brought you
out tonight?
Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg
Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I
don't like being touched.
Man: You mean… like this? [slapping other hand on
her right next to where first one is, and smiling like
he's just about to start laughing; it's a game to him]
Girl: I just don't like it when people I don't know touch
me.
Man: [laughs] Okay, party pooper. You want an
awkward wall of no-touching between us, fine. [moves
hands] I still might go find a ruler or something to
reach out and caress your cheek with later once you've
decided I'm the man of your dreams.
Scenario Three: Resistance
Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close
to my friends.
Man: Yes you can. Come sit with me; it's just over here.
You'll be plenty close to your friends.
Scenario Four: Temptation
Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?
Man: Well, the first thing I want to do with you is have
you keep me company while I drink my drink. After
that... hmm, we'll see.
Maintain Your Cool
The most important part about passing a test is
maintaining your cool and staying composed. Even if
you do do what the girl asks you to do, do it like you
meant to do it and wanted to do it anyway. Remember
that seeking to throw you off balance – either
playfully, or in the hopes that you'll turn around
her views of you – is the principal driving motivator
in how women test men. Women do many things with
the intention of exploring a man's reaction; it's how
they learn about him and his feelings toward them. By
keeping your composure and staying cool, you
communicate that you are in-control, self-possessed,
non-needy, and every bit the kind of man she hopes
you are.
Above all, don't resent women for testing you. They test
every man they aren't 100% certain of, whose minds
they don't feel they can read 100%, and even after
you've slept with a girl, even after you've made her
your girlfriend, even after you've made her your wife,
she'll keep testing you anyway for the rest of your and
her time together. She must constantly assess if you
continue to be strong enough to protect her and
provide for her, and whether you're showing signs of
instability, weakness, or decay – because, as we
mentioned at the beginning of this post, those things
are very dangerous to women. Strong, confident men
don't harm and hinder women. Weak, unstable ones
do.
So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the
face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly to
yourself every time you face a test – whether you pass,
or whether you don't – because you'll know that each
time, you're getting trained a little more about what to
expect, and a little more of the fog of war is being
lifted as you become better and better prepared to face
and handle tests going forward.
Also note that whether you're using chase frames and
flirting with girls effectively or not is going to play a
big role in whether you receive tests; as you position
yourself more and more as the pursued, and her more
and more as the pursuer, it is increasingly you who
will be testing her – and not the other way around.
Ultimately, with time, as you learn to handle them
properly and as you employ more chase framing and
flirting in your interactions, tests fade in importance
from your awareness. Someone asked me a few months
ago if women still test me. I said, "No, they don't; I
can't remember the last time I got tested." But then I
thought about it, and I realized that yes, they test me
all the time; I just am so comfortable with tests that I
always pass with flying colors and they don't even
register as tests. Just like women's objections , you
come to smile at tests and know that they are
opportunities that, when handled properly, you'll see
a noticeable spike in attraction and interest
following your handling of them.
So, I won't say "enjoy tests," because while with time
you'll come to enjoy them, first you've got to get
through that initial period where they genuinely are a
pain to deal with. But, if you put in the time meeting
women and getting to know them, you'll face many a
test down the line, and the more you face, the more
you'll come to handle them with confidence and
panache. So maybe, don't enjoy tests... but do try not
to mind them too much.
